Thou sword of truth, fly swift and sure, that evil die and good endure!

My mother says that every relationship has a fatal flaw– an issue that attempts to gnaw away at the bond between two people until there is nothing left but a sticky residue of bitterness, tears, and regret.  Part of being in a relationship is deciding what fatal flaws you can combat though possibly never conquer. Essentially, you must pick your battles. Can you don the glistening armor, raise your sword to the smoke-filled sky and fight against the venomous fire-breathing dragon of infidelity, apathy or preoccupation for the rest of your life? The good people at Disney have embedded in me the notion (or perhaps the hope)  that every person has a soul mate, true love is  instantaneous and every story has a happy ending. I am one of those who truly, down to my bones, believes in these concepts — especially the happy ending bit. I believe in marital bliss and soul mates; maybe not in the “one person for every other person” sense but instead, I believe in the idea of one person completing another in some way — making them a better person, a happier person. Getting to “happy,” however, might not be an easy road –  even the conclusive sentimental harmony of Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty is only achieved following a struggle of epic proportions  — there were wicked stepmothers, deadly potions and evil enchantresses to overcome before true love’s kiss. The trials of real world love are far less physically formidable; bodily harm is unheard of in most cases, but emotional harm and invisible wounds run deep and abundant.

I’ve never been one to give up when things get difficult or complicated in a situation. And I will, without protest, wake up every morning and slowly nudge my relationship and it’s fatal flaw– my unavailing boulder– up the infinite hill in the hope that all that friction, day in and day out, will turn my rock into a manageable pebble that instead of resting in my shaking arms, sits happily in my shoe — always present but not a problem. Maybe I have too much faith in love. Maybe I’m naive and young, and maybe one day I won’t want to push anymore.  I believe that true love exists in the world wholeheartedly, but on some mornings can’t help waking up to the pessimist inside me whispering cynical doubts of my love’s survival. Eventually, I am picked up and put back on my feet, feeling foolish, guilty and at ease to be in my happy, love filled place once again. As much as we battle a fatal flaw, we also battle ourselves.  One of the fortunate things about being in a good relationship is that when your spindly arms get tired, when there are dark days of doubt, there is someone else there to pick up the slack and push for the both of you.

So I think the question to  be asked is: “what is your rock Sisyphus?”, quickly followed by “does everything else make that rock worth it?”

I, personally, have never been one to give up without a good fight.

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The Ever Changing Face of Facebook

Today, in a fit of procrastination, I logged onto Facebook for about the fourth time this morning only to find that Mark Zuckerberg and team have once again changed the layout. That is what? four times in the past six months?  Previously, I’ve shrugged off the change, made like homo erectus, and adapted (yeah, I just made an anthropology joke). Now, however, even I’m a little pissed off. Thank god they got rid of that stupid “news feed/ live feed” business, I still don’t know what the hell that meant, but only to replace it with “top news/most recent”.  What does “top news” entail? Do status updates count as top news? Do blog postings? Are there things on the “top news” section that won’t appear on the “most recent section”? Furthermore, I have no idea why the globe at the top of the screen means “notifications.” It seems like they were picking politically correct icons randomly out of a hat . The “Messages” icon looks like the a little pissed off. Thank god they got rid of that stupid “news feed/ live feed” business, I still don’t know what the hell that meant, but only to replace it with “top news/most recent”.  What does “top news” entail? Do status updates count as top news? Do blog postings? Are there things on the “top news” section that won’t appear on the “most recent section”? Furthermore, I have no idea why the globe at the top of the screen means “notifications.” It seems like they were picking politically correct icons randomly out of a hat . The “Messages” icon looks like the iphone texting interface. Isn’t that more appropriate for “facebook chat.” which is represented by those people silhouettes? A mail icon seems like the most logical choice for “messages” to me. Logic just seems to have flown out the window here. Even the “log off” function has been taken off the main screen. You have to go into “account” at the top of the screen and then down to “log off.”  Facebook does not need to be complicated; it just needs to work properly.  If anything, Facebook should be as simple as possible. I wouldn’t mind the change so much if they actually improved the quality of my Facebook going experience, but as far as I can tell, it’s the same functions in more confusing places. Facebook upgrade: definite downgrade.

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The Best Part of Waking Up

Every morning (well ALMOST every morning) since I was eight years old, I have had an eggo waffle with powdered sugar and chocolate chips for breakfast. It might come as a shock that I am under 120 pounds and (so far)  don’t have diabetes, since this is only the beginning of my shameful eating habits. Breakfast and I have a complicated and finicky relationship. I think its a little ridiculous to expect me to put in any effort what so ever toward food  so early in the morning. Unfortunately I am not a cereal person and toast bores me. Furthermore, it takes a while for my lazy digestive system to wake up. Anything more than that waffle and a cup of tea after waking up and I feel bloated and slightly nauseous. Nate seems to think I have a parasite. “A 12 year old parasite?” I say with much skepticism. I don’t have a parasite. What I DO have is a paranoid boyfriend and after many a morning of making my waffle of fatty goodness completed with a worried, disapproving glare from the other side of the table, I have decided to explore my breakfast options. If I can’t have my traditional combination of chocolate and sugar then apple pie for breakfast will just have to do. Yes, apple pie, or its healthier  designed-for-breakfast cousin: the breakfast apple granola crisp. The breakfast apple granola crisp is a totally acceptable waffle substitute, it does after all have an entire stick of butter in it (but also two and a half cups of oats and three pounds of apples, hence the healthy part). It’s served cold and unlike most pastries, only gets better as the oats get soggier. Easy to make, it’s fun for the whole family- Nate likes it, I like it. The breakfast apple granola crisp is such a overall “win.”

The Breakfast Apple Granola Crisp:

• 3 pounds baked apples peeled, cored and cut into medium sized chunks (I recommend big red apples for a sweeter taste)
• 2 tablespoons lemon juice
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 2 tablespoons corn starch
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• salt
• 1 stick of butter
• 1/4 a cup of honey
• 1/2 a cup of flour
• 2 cups of oats
• 1/2 a cup sliced almonds (I leave out the almonds, those things are damn expensive)

Preheat the oven  to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.  Mix apple chunks with lemon juice, sugar, cornstarch, cinnamon and a pinch of salt in a 9 x 13 inch pan until apples are evenly coated. In a medium saucepan, melt the butter with the honey. Stir in the flour, oats (and the optional almonds), and another pinch of salt until clumps form. Sprinkle evenly over the apple mixture and bake in the over for 45 to 55 minutes, or until the apples are softened and bubbly. Should the granola crisp early (which has never happened to me) cover with tinfoil all but the last few minutes. Cool and put in fridge. Serve cold with yogurt (we never eat it with yogurt, but it might be worth trying).

Picture: Bad, Crisp: So Good

“Oh, earth,you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you.”

There are some days where I feel especially adult: when I go to the bank to pay my internet bill, hand in a paper to one prof and run into another on the way out of the building,  or go preview a perspective apartment with my boyfriend for next year. Sometimes it feels like I’m a four year old walking around in her mother’s high heels, trying on the role of mature adult for an hour or two. When the heels come off, I’m back to being an adult only in name. I turn twenty years old this summer; I am moving in with my boyfriend this fall; I’m going to the opera tomorrow; I have an apple crisp in the oven right now and I can wear high heels and lipstick whenever I want without looking out of place (just very tall and lanky).  I don’t feel like an adult, but yet I am one. The facts and events of my life wash over me and I am overtaken by how fast time really goes. Didn’t I just graduate from high school? Adult responsibilities breath down my neck when I have two more years of university left. I just want to sit, breath and  watch the world, I’ll be an adult later.

Things I am “So Over” Right Now:

• Wearing Make-Up: When you’re twelve and you start wearing make- up for the first time it is like “OMG the most uber exciting thing ever!! <3″ But after almost eight years of eyeliner, blush and sparkly eye shadow, the excitement wears down. I am beginning to revel in the mornings where all I do is dab on some cover-up, sweep on some mascara (not even black mascara, dark brown mascara) and walk confidently out the door.  Don’t get me wrong, I still gussie myself up on the odd Thursday or  for the elusive dinner date, just when I need to feel particularly special or extra bold, but overall I’m a (mostly) all natural girl.
• Wall Tack: If you have ever lived in a dorm you known damn well what Wall Tack is. It is the white, sometimes blue, sticky substance that replaces thumb tacks on dorm room walls. It works like shit. Stuff is ALWAYS FALLING OFF MY WALLS. Out of respect for my landlord I put off  using tacks on my pictures, posters, what have you; but as my surroundings slowly peel off the walls and dive under the radiator, I’ve caved and started to replace the Wall Tack with real tacks. I am so over Wall Tack its not even funny.
• Not Have an Official Roommate: In Liz’s absence, Nate has basically moved into my apartment, which is great and all, but I miss my roommate! Seriously, the apartment is  no where near the same without her here. I spend a lot of time alone, which is depressing. I want my roommate back and while were at it, I want a new apartment, because I’m kinda over this place in general.
• Bill O’Reilly: I am really really over Bill O’Reilly, but totally not over John Stewart: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWb-Ygu1VcA
• My Dryer Being Broken: 3 weeks worth of laundry speaks for itself.

Sometimes it feels good to rant a little.

Its a Blondie Kind of Morning

I wish I was half as cool as Debby Harry.

Shoot Me With Your Rubber Bullets

I’m seriously not one for jump-suits (like really at all) but OMG I want it so bad.

Etsy, you kill me.

An Excuse for So Much Writ upon My Verses

Condemn me not for making such a coil

About my book, alas it is my child.

Just like a bird, when her young are in nest,

Goes in, and out, and hops, and takes no rest;

But when, their young are fledged, their heads our peep,

Lord what a chirping does the old one keep.

So I, for fear, my strengthless child should fall

Agaist a door, or stool, aloud I call,

Bid have I care of such a dangerous place:

Thus write I much, to hinder all disgrace.

-Margaret Cavendish

There Is A Season- Turn, Turn, Turn

Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning at approximately a quarter to nine my pink alarm clock starts to sound. Several snooze-button-slaps later I am up and the clock is off. Warm sunlight and cold air rush through my open window, waking me up and making me shiver. I groggily make breakfast, tiredly brush my teeth and pull on my boots painstakingly. As I leave my apartment, hot tea in hand, the normally bustling Bloor Street is suspiciously quiet. Gone are the stumbling drunk co-eds in their short skirts and high heels slurring to high heaven about “what a bastard he is” and the frat boys, still sober, but giddy with the promise of getting some “tail tonight” from the night before. In the crisp morning air there is only the ambient murmur of cars and the dignified click- clack of a business person with somewhere to be. This is the most quiet you could ever hope for. Cold air tickles the back of my throat with each breath and my body shakes to keep warm as I tramp through my parking-lot-short-cut. I am slightly sleepy and slightly miserable though one foot continues to follow the other, leaving a clean trail through the snow. Left on Sussex. Right on Huron. Through Robarts. Across the street and then again. Left through the archway and straight to and through the glass doors on the south side of University college.

I am warm.

Off come the woolen gloves, thick hat and soft scarf none of which really match. I make my way through the halls, each footstep filled with determination as I grab a newspaper, shove it  into the back of my tired book bag and  hustle down the concrete steps into the cold basement and through the open crimson door of UC 85 and my Women Writers class. Bliss sets in.

And The Winner Is…

Being a poor college student, I don’t have a television let alone cable. Subsequently, I did not watch the Golden Globes last night. That’s okay though, I really don’t have much interest in the Golden Globes in the first place — at least the ceremony part. The red carpet, no matter how rain soaked it is, is another story entirely. Lucky for me, the fashion from last night is not hard to find. The good people at E! have a “3-D fashion camera” for fashion junkies searching for a fix. The camera allows it’s internet audience to view the glamorous ladies and cute couples from all angles. However, Adrien Grier and Neil Patrick Harris definitely tie for combining hilarity and good looks to make me laugh. Oh and I guess their suits look goo too.

(click to enlarge)

There are some Golden Globes looks that just hit it out of the park:

I think that Olivia Wilde might be incapable of looking anything but stunning. Last September, she wore a white Marcesa dress to the Emmy Awards and got a lot of shit for it.  It is a little out there,  but honestly, I think she rocked that dress.  It was totally different than anything else on the carpet that night. Her 2008 Emmy dress was equally gorgeous. Then there is this dark, sparkly, sequined Gucci gown and she looks amazing. I feel a girl crush forming. The woman knows how to dress.

I haven’t seen An Education yet, but Cary Mulligan is darling in this Nina Ricci gown. Her chest is not looking as perky as we might want, but I love the dark but atherial feel of this dress. The detail is absolutely fabulous. The overall look would have benefited from a different color purse (I’m thinking gold) to add some pop, but I appreciate that she didn’t over accessorize with a big necklace or chandelier earrings. She looks young and innocent but glamorous.

Tony Colette totally knows how awesome she looks- just look at her face. A lot of women attempted the “dusted with gold look” and failed (*cough cough* Anna Paquin), but Colette just sparkles like a little gold star. She is polished and confident. I don’t know if I agree with the purse choice, but I think it would be really hard to match a purse to that dress. Overall, Colette shines.

Then we have those who did not do so well:

Vera Farminga was so beautiful and sexy in Up in the Air. What happened here Vera? What happened? I do admit, all that black makes your green eyes pop spectacularly, but its just too much doom and gloom. Did the Gweneth Paltrow 2002 Oscars atrocity teach us nothing?

Washed out salmon. That’s all I have to say. That and that this saddens me because Maggie Gylenhaal is usually really awesome.

Sadly, as I perused this year’s looks, I was more underwhelmed and revolted than impressed and envious. Lisa Eddlestien (Cutty from House)  looked like a 40 year old cougar going to her high school boyfriend’s senior prom and stopped by the Macy’s sale rack at the last minute. And seriously, someone needs to tell Sophia Loren that daylight is not her friend. An audible, in unison, noise of discomfort came from the audience when she came on screen during Nine. Tina Fey looked ridiculous, Fergie was a lovely shade of orange (which was unfortunate because her dress was quiet pretty), Chloe Sevigny was… well Chloe Sevigny and Diane Kruger missed the ball in a million different ways. I hope the Oscars red carpet is a little more inspiring and a little less destressing.