No, Not The Bees!

There is an infamous story in my family from a million years ago when my parents where in college and they encountered the “biggest bumble bee ever discovered by man”. My dad came home on day to find my mom huddled on the couch, cowering at the bedroom door where she had trapped said bee. My dad scoffed at her, opened the door to the bedroom, closed the door very quickly and ran to go get something with which to kill, what he admits was indeed, a massive bumble bee. Apparently the bee was eventually hit out the second story widow of my parents apartment and landed on the pavement below– still visible from above, which they count as a testament to the sheer girth of this bee.

Nate, Liz and I had a very similar experience with a very big bumble bee. I really can’t imagine that my parent’s bee was any bigger than ours, because ours was literally the size of my nose. His buzz was audible from all corners of the apartment and we all shrieked in fear (including Nathan) every time he flew towards us. I found him in the kitchen, roaming around the light fixture, buzzing furiously.  I immediately called for Nate, Liz followed, and the next twenty minutes were a blur of screaming and Nathan trying to spray the poor thing with some Windex.

Then the bee flew into a crack in the wall and disappeared.

Oh fuck, we all thought, we have an infestation of giant mutant bumble bees living in our newly rented apartment.

Because it was only one bee and we really couldn’t do anything else, we all decided that it was best to let it go until we saw another bee. So commences the paranoia of bee-watch twenty ten.

The next morning at about 6:30, I awoke in my new sun-filled bedroom to the sound of buzzing. LOUD buzzing. The bee was not only in my bed, but also in my face.

“Nate it’s back, it’s back” I screamed while climbing over him.

“What?What’s going on?” he drawled at me, totally confused and freaked out by his insane and panicked girlfriend.

“THE BEE IS IN THE BED” I shot at him, still scrambling. Nate then jumped into reaction mode, trapping the bee in-between the sheets, only to look over at me and say in a very confused voice “the bee is in the bed???”. Nate patted down the covers, hoping to have squashed the monster, however upon pulling back my white duvet cover, the big bee flew out and over to the wall. I hit him a couple of times with a moccasin and watched him sputter to the floor behind the dresser. We heard no more buzzing and determined the beast to be slain. Then, because it was six thirty in the morning, Nate and I went back to bed.

Two hours later however, the bee was back, buzzing desperately against our bedroom window.The funny thing about this bee was that, although humongous, he was harmless. After all that agitation and attack, he was less interested in Nate and I and more interested in getting outside. Bumble bees, despite their size are docile little things… apparently. So, I grabbed a cup and a folder and attempted to scoop him up to take him outside, but he would have none of it — he wanted out that window. Cautiously, I pulled up on the window locks, arching my arms as far away from the bee as possible and cranked the window open as far as I could — he made a bee line (hehe)  into the back yard and buzzed out of sight. We have not seen another bee in the house since, thank god.

and that is the story of Emma, Nathan, Liz and the bee.

The Wicker Man -- yes that's a helmet filled with bees.


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