Epic fail

I seem to be an inherently clumsy person. If I am walking with another person I can not manage to not bump into them. I am constantly covered in bruises from run ins with table corners, door frames, chairs, really whatever happens to get in my way at the time. For two years I had a stainless steel bar in my chest (to fix a hereditary indentation in the cartilage down the center of my rib cage- its complicated and really deserves its own blog post someday), spanning from side to side, tied to my ribs under my armpits.  One day, the left side around my bar developed an intense pain, when taken to my doctor/surgeon/ specialist in these procedures, he asked if I had run into anything recently. I said “nothing out of the ordinary.” He raised his eyebrows at me in pity.

Despite my bumper car tendencies, I have perfect eyesight. It’s quite the anomaly. You also might deduce that I am a horrible driver, prone to accidents and scrapes, but I do okay in that regard too. Scientifically, I attribute my clumsiness to a lack of coordination,balance and the inability to gauge distance very well. But really I just don’t think I’m paying attention.

From the time I got up today, nothing has gone according to plan. I forgot to switch my ipod into daylight savings time, causing me to wake up an hour ahead of schedule (8:30am), BUT I failed to realize it until fully awake, annihilating the possibility of falling back asleep. While making my tea this morning, I did not turn on the kitchen lights as an attempt to not wake up Liz, resulting in me pouring too much tea into Henry, my hippo shaped tea-pot. While moving him to the kitchen table, boiling hot water sloshed out the front, burning my left hand. 10 minutes later while  I brought him back up from pouring tea into my cup, water sloshed out the back, burning my right hand. Later, after Liz had gotten up, I went to take milk out of the refrigerator, only to accidentally pull the Parmesan cheese off the shelf as well, which spilled all over the floor.

All before noon.

Seeing as my universe is completely off, I think I’ll stay away from all electronics today- the way this is going, I might set something on fire. My computer IS getting quite warm… On a positive note, my essay for critical approaches to literature is actually taking shape. Derrida vs. Jameson in the battle of a lifetime!- How to read a book! It’s going to be riveting.


One thought on “Epic fail

  1. It’s inherited. As you well know. You forget to mention the white shirt, food magnet thing we have going on as well. However, we compensate by having the most awesome brains ever.

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