It’s a pretty horrible day by most people’s standards. The sky is a really bleak shade of gray, the streets are soaked from last night’s rain and from my window I can see people on the street struggling against a pretty frequent and torrential wind. It is, what Winnie the Pooh would call, a “blustery day.” I, however, am enjoying the gloom of this autumn day, primarily because I am inside. This is also the exact type of winter I braved for 18 years.
California winters are drizzly, gray beasts. The only color sprouts from the hills, which after months of downpour turn a rich green color (I’m becoming a Canadian, I just spelled color with a “u” and had to quickly erase and FIX it- you do not need a “u” in color). If you can’t tell, I’m seriously homesick. On these sorts of days, my dad would make a fire in our living room fireplace and my mom would whip up something warm and cozy for dinner. I would sleep with my window open, listen to the rain, buried under blankets and quilts to keep warm and wake up to find that my cat had burrowed next to me sometime in the night. These days make me think of my mom in flannel and her hugs.
No matter where I go I am missing someone. Here in Toronto I miss home and all of it’s comforts– my family, my friends, my childhood bed, the streets of San Francisco– but in California I miss Nathan and Adam (and I’m sure come winter break I’ll miss Liz too). I’m constantly torn between two worlds. Everything flight is bittersweet. I try not to think about it. When I think about it I get sad and when I get sad I tend to not do homework. But on some days, days like today, I can’t help but focus on the things I’m missing.
I don’t for a moment regret coming to Toronto. I consider this transition one of my biggest accomplishments: I moved 3,000 miles away all by myself to start a new life and it all didn’t all go to shit (plus I got Nate out of the deal and no matter what happens in the future he will never be a regret). But when I was filling out those college applications for all those east coast schools, this situation never occurred to me. I was more worried about the snow (which is WHERE by the way?). I would love to, like the majority of my friends, hope on a bus or train or short plane ride and be back in the bay area. My journey, however, is often 12 plus hours of travel hell (I take a bus to Buffalo NY, a plane from Buffalo to Chicago and hope on another bus to Oakland). I don’t mind though, it’s always worth it, no matter which way I’m going (or coming, depending on your perspective). Please come faster winter break, I need you.