Fun Story

Well hello there! I just took a rather unexpected hiatus, didn’t I? Cool story bro, Nathan broke his arm on Saturday while I was still in California. On Tuesday I flew back to Toronto to immediately spend all day Wednesday, and Thursday in the hospital with him until he finally had surgery on Thursday night. Friday, we basically hung out while I attended to his needs. You really forget how much you use both of your hands. He’s still on the mend and pretty much confined indoors, but I think the hard part is pretty well over.

Can I get real for a second here? The past six weeks have basically been the most insane/ intense/ stressful/ sad of my life. Sure, bad things have happened to me. I’ve felt down and out from time to time, but these past six weeks OH BOY were they the opposite of fun. More things have ended — both actually and metaphorically — than I tend to list, more things are changing than I tend to list, there have been several crisis’ and until school was out I was about shoulder high in assignments. There has just been so much to deal with. I step back and I look at the past six weeks and add up all those little lists and am amazed that I haven’t been crying more. There has been remarkably little crying. Clearly, all this is not the worst than can happen to a person, but so far, I think this is the just worst that has happened to me so far. I am just so grateful for my friends and family who have kept me sane for the last little bit. There have been several moments, especially while I was hulled up in the library desperately trying to finish my thesis, where I felt the whole weight of my life on my shoulders only to have someone I know come up to me at just the right moment, say hi and strike up a conversation. Those little moments have kept me breathing.

I feel good about the way I’ve handled all this stress. Frankly, I feel like an adult (dun dun dunnnn). But I think things are going to be a little less stressful for at least the next four weeks (until I move out of my apartment). So thank you for letting me bare my soul a bit, I hope it makes other stressed out people feel less alone in their stress.
SO, here are some snap shots from my time in California. The weather was GORGEOUS and it truly made me realize how good we have it over there. Ugh, even now, as I look out my window in the dark grey Toronto sky, I miss it. Green hills and blue skies come back to me!

Editing

So last week was a bit of a fail, sorry about that. See, on top of a mess of an essay and a take home exam, I also happen to be writing a “senior year paper” also known as a thesis. We have a very turbulent relationship this thesis and I.  Some days, I’m in love with it, but some days I’m kicking myself for choosing — that’s right, I didn’t have to do this, this was a choice — to write a thirty page monolith when I could be sleeping/ eating/ on Pinterest / painting my dresser / looking at shoes / enjoying my last six weeks living in Toronto/ drinking.

Finally, I’m just in the editing and adding stages. The thing is written, it just has to be polished: things need to be added, questions need better answering, semi-colons need to be deleted, etc.

This is my least favorite part of the paper writing process, but here I am, in the library again, working away.  I know I’m going to be proud of myself when this paper is done (it’s actually pretty cool), but for right now it’s a bit of a slog.

2 days until full freedom and the beginning of the rest of my life.

ALSO, it’s official: I’m moving to Boston.

 

If you’re curious — not everyone is — my thesis is on “how the use of the commonplace book was fundamentally different in the modernist literary period because of the emerging use of the medium to develop of the poetic individual through the creation of a private world, which then in turn influenced original public voice. An examination of the practice of commonplacing by two modernist authors – Virginia Woolf and W.H. Auden – will illustrate the range of ways the modernists approached the medium and the construction of individual personality in a turbulent world” (quoting me).

Happy Monday!

1613/2500 Words

I’m craving a chick flick hard core right now. School has gotten CRAZY beyond belief. I have SIX (I’ve counted twice, it’s definitely six) assignments due between right this moment and December 17th. That’s what? three weeks?

Ugh, I need to stop quantifying everything – it really just makes things that much more daunting.

So, back to chick flicks — I want them, I want them now. I long for them, dream about them, can’t stop thinking about them (okay, that might be taking it a little too far).

Love and Other Drugs, I don’t care about your mediocre reviews, I’m still going to see you. Same with you Rachel-McAdams-Movie- about-morning-television- that-I-think-is-called-Morning-Glory (it is)- and-apparently-came-out-two-weeks-ago. Tangled: lets get together sometime.

I’m even considering re-watching The Time Traveler’s Wife! (but I wont, I’m not that desperate. I know I will regret it.)

My favorite chick flick: You’ve Got Mail . Just so much wonderful in one little movie. That scene where Meg Ryan has to close the bookstore and she stands there for a moment, imaging herself twirling with her mom, makes me cry every. single. time.

Sigh, oh well! Hopefully soon? Hopefully winter break will be more than a frenzy of friends and Crime and Punishment. Maybe my mommy will even go to a movie with me *hint hint (mom I know you read this). That would be the ultimate of nice right now.

“Does This Pike Make Me Look Fat?”

So, being the studious and dedicated university student that I am, I spent my ENTIRE weekend working on a paper that was due this morning. I did not  go outside on Saturday or Sunday. By the time my paper was done Sunday night I had been working on it for 13 hours that day ALONE. It took me 13 hours to write FOUR PAGES. This morning, I got to class to turn in said paper (after waking up at 7:30 to edit it) and much to my chagrin, class was canceled and we just had to shove our essays under the door and go. Now I am home, eating left over macaroni and cheese for lunch and getting ready to start my second — and far more philosophical — essay that will probably result in pulling my first all nighter EVER (for school).

I think we all need a good laugh don’t you?

K. Beaton is HILARIOUS. Her comics are history and literature themed for the most part, with a couple of pop culture ones thrown in. I really like: Dude Watching With the Brontes, History Mysteries, the Nancy Drew ones, and the Great Gatsby ones. For all the Canadians out there, the Discovery of Canada is also pretty good.

Sometimes I am SUCH a nerd. I am totally okay with it.

It’s Not You, It’s Me… Maybe It’s You AND Me

Yesterday, a dear friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) was plagued with a dilemma: her friends of many years decided (or demanded) that she spend more time with them. They were particularly annoyed that she was hanging out with her boyfriend in lieu of hanging out with them. My friend does her best to juggle school, extra circulars, college woes, her relationship and her friendships but, really, a girl can only do so much. Where as these girl’s definition of a good time is to party and drink, my friend is happier with a more low key evening, snuggling on the couch in sweat pants and watching a movie with her bf. She loves her friends dearly, however in a way has outgrown them. Which for me begs the question: why can’t you dump friends like you can boyfriends?

With boyfriends, once they start to piss you off, in whatever which way, you have the option to dump their sorry ass and exile them from your life. Dumping friends, however, is a much stickier situation. You must wade through the relationship, waist deep in drama and annoyance, until the day you joyously (and purposefully) loose touch or move far away. It would save a lot of time and money to simple be able to say “I think we should see other people.” Friendship, however, does not work like that. I tried to “dump” a “friend” once, after months of turbulence– it blew up in my face and I still feel badly about the way I treated her.  She was, however, a horrible friend. She was not supportive, self centered and had a penchant for telling stories that in no way could be true. When a partner treats you badly, you dump them; when a friend treats you badly you should have the same right. Yes, it’s hurtful and they won’t be happy with it, but overall if it’s not a healthy friendship then it’s for the better, right? There are good ways to dump someone and bad ways to dump someone but no matter how you do it, the other person will end up hurt and angry.

My sensibilities say that personal health trumps all. When it comes right down to it, this isn’t about them, this is about you and what you need to be happy. That may be selfish but life is too short to deal with a draining relationship. Right?

But as I proof read my bold statements and confident words, a wave of exasperation sweeps over me because I know that nothing is as clear cut as it unfolds in my pretty head. Friendships are complicated buggers and people tend to be dramatic. Sometimes moving to Australia doesn’t seem like such a bad choice. Kangaroos can’t possibly be this complex.